The Artist’s Rule Blues (#lyrics #poetry #50/90)

When I was young, I wanted to run
Seeking adventure around every corner
I never knew who I was back then
The family I had was really a foreigner
That’s when my search began
for the real piano man

Mama gave me a piano
Daddy strummed the guitar
I sang in the choir
I never got very far
I had the Artist Rule Blues

Rule #1: the hardest of the three
Rule #2: stability for me
Rule #3: playing like a fool
Obedience calls for always being true

As life wore on, I could no longer deny
The need to look that man in the eye
The one responsible for my very life
The one who now had a different wife
That’s when my search began
for the real piano man

Mama gave me a piano
Daddy strummed the guitar
I sang in the choir
I never got very far
I had the Artist Rule Blues

Rule #1: the hardest of the three
Rule #2: stability for me
Rule #3: playing like a fool
Obedience calls for always being true

I found him on a mountain
We sang all night and day
Of one thing I’m quite certain
His love made me want to stay

Mama gave me a piano
Daddy strummed the guitar
I sang in the choir
I never got very far
I had the Artist Rule Blues

Rule #1: the hardest of the three
Rule #2: stability for me
Rule #3: playing like a fool
Obedience calls for always being true

Home on Hardy Falls (#poem)

Once upon a time on Hardy Falls
I was blessed to stay home and be her mom
We’d named her Lovey, a fitting name
She stole the King’s heart, her claim to fame

That feeling I miss about being home
Mornings on my lap in my aqua robe
Embracing life as queen of the house
With the caramel cat who loved to mouse

Skipper was king and I loved him so
Life without him I cannot know
But looking back I am surely shown
Lovey his queen was the heart of the home

Highway Noise (#lyrics #poem #50/90)

The rhythm of the highway noise
At six o’clock in the morning
Playing like a drum beat
The troopers are storming
down the road, chasing dreams
before the day releases heat
I begin my day, my choice
Banging on my toys

In a world of men statistically
I don’t let that fact stop me
Never thought I couldn’t do anything
Just because I am a woman
Move over boys
It’s all just highway noise

The rhymes come to me before my coffee
Timbaland’s tips on making beats
Inspire me to follow my heart
Destiny I must not cheat
My father told me from the start
Reading my writing from afar
His words meant so much to me
Now he’s gone how can it be

In a world of men statistically
I don’t let that fact stop me
Never thought I couldn’t do anything
Just because I am a woman
Move over boys
It’s all just highway noise

Driving cars on a highway fast
Expecting men it seems
Babies and all their accessories
Women discuss by the kitchen sink
Sitting on the front porch I dared to be me
Listening to men talk about beer that’s free
If I couldn’t be free I’d never last
And highway noise is just more sass

In a world of men statistically
I don’t let that fact stop me
Never thought I couldn’t do anything
Just because I am a woman
Move over boys
It’s all just highway noise

Fool for A While (#lyrics #poem #50/90)

You told me lies
about loving me
You were just in love with yourself
You came by
almost every day
Wooing me to take me off the shelf

I was a fool
for a while
Only cuz I wanted to be
I no longer
have that need inside
It’s time to stand up to you
Time to stand up for me

Don’t know why
I fell for you
On the rebound, feeling desperately
He was the one
I really loved
So you swooped in so sneakily

I was a fool
for a while
Only cuz I wanted to be
I no longer
have that need inside
It’s time to stand up to you
Time to stand up for me

Must have been weak
Must have been crazy
Too darn proud
A bit of lazy

I was a fool
for a while
Only cuz I wanted to be
I no longer
have that need inside
It’s time to stand up to you
Time to stand up for me

I was a fool
for a while
Only cuz I wanted to be
I no longer
have that need inside
It’s time to stand up to you
Time to stand up for me

 

Dig in and Hold On (#lyrics #poem #50/90)

Fifty Ninety (50 songs in 90 days) is starting in a couple of days so it’s time to start writing poems in more of a song form for potential songs.

I’ve been quiet for too long
Sitting at the library reading those books
Writing in my diary dodging those looks
Gotta show ‘em who I am
Show ‘em what I’ve got
Not gotta lie down, I’m way too strong

Stomp, stomp, scream and shout
Let your inner diva out

Dig in and hold on
It’s time to make some noise
Stuck in my head for way too long
Pedal to the medal, come on, girls, let’s race some boys

I dug out old photographs of my old boyfriends
The ones he “made” me throw away
Instead I hid them along with my dignity
Jonesing for a second chance
now he’s down and out
Begging for some money I could lend no doubt

Stomp, stomp, scream and shout
Let your inner diva out

Dig in and hold on
It’s time to make some noise
Stuck in my head for way too long
Pedal to the medal, come on, girls, let’s race some boys

Not gonna feel guilty
He had more than a second chance
Running through women, drugs, and money
Laughing like the truth was so funny

Stomp, stomp, scream and shout
Let your inner diva out

Dig in and hold on
It’s time to make some noise
Stuck in my head for way too long
Pedal to the medal, come on, girls, let’s race some boys

Stomp, stomp, scream and shout
Let your inner diva out

Dig in and hold on
It’s time to make some noise
Stuck in my head for way too long
Pedal to the medal, come on, girls, let’s race some boys

More Than Just a Dream (#poem)

Many arts call me but which should I follow
To give myself completely and deeply to
One thing I know for sure are the things I would rather not do
That others may love but leave me feeling hollow

Shopping centers and strip malls
Hairstyles, make-up, YouTube videos
Writer tales of outlining leave me cold
Stuck in their head, no feelings below

Music pulls me through the tough times
Heartbreak and breakups
Feelings of not being good enough
Beating like a heart, in time with the rhymes

Writing opens the valve letting out the steam
Music digs up the deep joy that I feel
Saying it, writing it makes it too real
Too alive and dangerous and more than just a dream

The Father’s Blessing (#poem)

So easy to deny in a world full of pride
That need deep inside
Surrounded by those with an agenda I suppose
Embracing the eternal lie

Evil is clever putting on the glitz and black leather
Serving up the kool-aid
No father, no problem, any man will do
Trading sex in a false love’s chase

Lost souls are hurting, their wounds are piercing, accusing others of hating in their tirade
Kill the messenger they say and nothing has changed
Subvert the true plan by subverting true nature leaving behind ashes from the flames

When you look closer you can’t miss the answer
Seeking men for pleasure is not your desire
When the father’s blessing is missing, the heart is listening to the fire
Instead of the water that quenches the thirst, surrendering to the true cure

In the Studio Discovering a New Path and Identity

Woke up to another beautiful sunny day here in Las Vegas and that means waking up early this time of year. The dawn begins to break a little before 5 am and by 6, I can no longer stay in bed. I climb down the stairs from the third floor, stopping off on the second floor to grab a cup of coffee before continuing on to my first floor studio.

I log onto my Mac and continue with a Master Class on Electronic Dance Music, which I absolutely love and have loved since my Disco days. Playing around with sound triggers the knowledge I now have about my father and that side of a musical family – the family I did not know growing up. People did that more back then – when the couple split, that was the end of the father and “hello, step dad” who was now dad (sometimes you didn’t know he wasn’t your dad), and you used his last name.” Good-bye identity.

But that is old news. What strikes me today as I play around with sounds for an Electro Pop song is that knowing I have an “ear for music,” (told to me throughout my school years and later by my Las Vegas vocal coach, who happened to be starring in “Mamma Mia” on stage), was how lonely it was for me to have these gifts but not really understand them, unable to embrace my true identity because I was surrounded by strangers who were family. Strangers because my mother and half-siblings did not have these gifts, although to his credit, my step dad played the guitar. Ironically, he was the most supportive of my music. But my mother and siblings seemed to want to down play my musical gifts. Subtly, of course. 😮

So here I am, decades later, having met and discovered my family and my identity, pursuing my love for music, embracing all that I am. It’s a thrill, a triumph, but with a sense of loss and regret of the choices that others made for me. And why I’m such an advocate for children, whether adopted or conceived through sperm and egg donors or anything that has gotten in the way of children not knowing who they truly are. It’s an outrage!

Over ten years ago (closer to fifteen now), I wrote and published my story in Myths of the Fatherless, but I think it’s needed even more today.

In the Studio: Electro Pop song in progress

 

Girls and Black Cars (Tribute to the Grandmother I Never Met)

The most exciting part about discovering my father and his family was uncovering how much I’m like many of the family members. The music, the poems, fine dining, romantic, convertibles, swimming pools, black cars, transistor radios, manner of expressing myself, and the Christian Faith.

So I had to create this video about grandma and me and our love of black cars (she’s the one in the scarf), highlighting some of the gifts they’ve passed down to me. Please like and share the video on youtube.

Thank you!