I Found Myself (#poem)

I found myself tonight
When I saw you there
Hiding in plain sight
Navy blue on a hanger

Like memories put on a shelf
The pants I wore held you dear
Lying in my arms your love I felt
You were always a part of me

I found you tonight
Wrapped in a simple fabric
The clock chimed back in time
The scent of yesterday’s remembrance

In the Still of the Night (#poem)

In the still of the night I walk and I pray
My mind seeks your voice and your company
Searching for miracles in the light of day
Maybe not A-S-A-P but as long as it takes

These lessons I’ve learned through the tears and the struggle
I couldn’t have known coukd be so invaluable
Through promises you led tucked away in my heart
Your will be done was just the start

As writing and music are the prayers of an artist
It’s not the end result but all about the process
The heart has reason that reason can’t know
And God has logic the world does not bestow

In the still of the night I walk and I pray
As long as I am writing, I feel okay
But if I stop what happens to me?
Will I be able to practice what I profess to believe?

I Lost You (#poem)

I lost you before I was born
Those in charge I could not warn
Maybe that’s why my heart is so afraid
In the womb I had no say
Helpless as I was being made

She gave me life, then she took it away
Broken and wounded and so afraid
Finding something from another man
While you served in a war like Viet Nam
How else could she have made the choices she made?

You never stopped loving her in spite of it all
When a father loves the mother even after a great fall
Is the greatest gift a daughter can see
Feeling the love and the power to believe
Knowing if only she’d trusted what she’d had

It’s whisky under the bridge having gone separate ways
Sons and daughters and grandkids to my dismay
Squeezing me out as if I did not exist
Twisting me into an identity, not for me but against
Refusing to acknowledge who I really am

Forgiveness is healing, no need to carry that burden
But one needs to be sorry, of this I am certain
Without it there is no great story of repentance
That’s the difference between Peter and Judas
I lost you before I was born

I Went Home Today (#poem)

I went home today
He was there but I could not stay
I heard the promise given last July
Future victory conquers a lifetime lie

I must hold on
His presence lingers after I’m gone
The photos are proof but even better
Written on my heart are the red letters

I’m going home for good
Refusing to leave if I could
The stakes are high, the mountains tall
Untul my last breath, I’m giving it my all

I Close My Eyes (#poem)

I close my eyes and I see the light
Shining into my soul
Who are you this long and lonely night
Lighting my flame with a burning coal

I will not collapse I answer back
I’ve trusted far too long
The road is winding but nothing I lack
Leaning into a shepherd’s arms so strong

Pondering the moments you touched my face
Thumbing through photos in my mind
Reviewing the scenes through eyes of faith
I see your love caressing my life as our story unwinds

I close my eyes and I see the light
Guiding my soul through dark and lonely nights

Moments of Surrender (#poem)

Moments of surrender are the sweetest sound
Love sings softly in a cloud of surround
Kitty calls feeling lost, hears my voice halfway up the stairs
Troubles bubble like champagne completely unaware

Abundant blessings bounce before me on a trampoline
Memories sweet as a summer night on a front porch swing
When those before me say good-bye with a final ticket to ride
Life is shaken sending ripples where kitties once slept by my side

Sleepless thoughts are the norm these long and lonely nights
Abandoned only in my mind, surrender conquers the fright
Morning brings one step forward, nighttime falls with two steps backward
Up and down, down and up, confidence shaken and fractured

Victories, he said, are as sweet as cognac
Laugh, my child, or you’re bound to crack
He lived what he preached for 95 years
Bring on the voices of the chanticleers

The Dawn is Breaking (#poem)

After a long dark night of the soul
I feel the morning skies brighten
No pink streaks of light on the horizon
Just a peaceful feeling lifting me out of the hole

Like traffic quickening in the commute hours
The pulse is palpable this morning
Letting go was a blessing and warning
Preparing me for a new season of flowers

The dawn is breaking without my prodding
Surrender was the final push
Like spring rain caressing the rose bush
My soul awakens anew with longing

Heavenly Holmes Band (Musical Family Story and Testimony)

I grew up up without knowing my father or my father’s family. It’s complicated. But my maternal grandmother was a staunch Jehovah’s Witness and my father’s family were Baptists and she wasn’t about to hand me over to the Baptists. How ironic I should become Catholic. 🙂

Anyway, when I came into contact with my father and his family in my 40s, my Uncle Don said:

“Now that you know you’re a Holmes, you’re going to want to pay attention to music.”

And he began to tell me the family stories and the talents of the family I had never known.

Along about the same time, my literary agent said:

“Your writing has a poetic, almost lyrical rhythm to it.”

What did that mean? Poetic? Me? Lyrical? Really? But I had heard that my paternal grandmother wrote poetry and my grandfather was a musician, so I started to look at my love of music and this lyrical rhythm I apparently had to see what I might do about it. That was the beginning of my serious pursuit of music, including songwriting.

As the story goes, my great grandfather made musical instruments and, of course, then, he could play all of them. My grandfather played the keys and sang in a band (besides, being a pitcher for the Memphis Chicks), my uncles and dad either sang and/or played various instruments, from guitar to drums to bass to the keyboard.

In school, I’d heard that I had a musical ear. My vocal coach in Las Vegas (who had appeared in Mamma Mia on stage), said I had a great ear for music. Anyway, back to music in school, I sang in the choir, solo’d and played the organ, piano, guitar, and violin in fits and starts. The constant for me was singing – that was my favorite part. And as a modern musician, I’ve discovered that, like great grandpa, I love to arrange an assortment of instruments through music production – I absolutely love that!

All of that family except for one younger uncle are gone now so I like to think that some day I’ll play and sing with the Heavenly Holmes Band. (For more about Uncle Ron’s musical talent, check out his obituary).

Listening to Travis Greene this afternoon, I’m calling on the Heavenly Holmes Band to be my prayer warriors and all play and sing this song together:

 

 

Dark Night of the Soul (#poem)

If life were a novel, then this is the “all is lost” moment
Feeling helpless, feeling the losses
Looking forward, looking back, all that is seen seems broken
So weary of carrying the crosses

Reaching out to friends is a crap shoot
Strangers in line sharing their stories
Cloaked in pain, seemingly destitute
It’s time to take inventory

What is God trying to teach me?
I’m failing to learn the lesson
Is it physical or things I’ve come to believe
Leaning on the things I’ve found success in

The Dark Night of the Soul is a lonely place
The breakthrough is just around the corner
Waiting, waiting, waiting, feeling disgrace
Compassion for my fellow sojourners

Illusions (#poem)

My life back then seems so simple now
Living a normal every day life did allow
The luxury of my illusions
Problems, or were they blessings, add to my confusion

I had prayed for my desert release
To somehow live at the beach
Swimming ashore like a fish out of water
Running away like a desperate daughter

“Come follow me,” I heard Him say
So I drove and I drove, and headed for L.A.
And found myself alone in the desert
A hard landing, head down, face in the dirt

For forty days I fasted and I prayed
I suffered deeply at the delay
Holding onto the promise of the sunrise
It’s not His will is all I can surmise

I long to shout for joy and to claim the victory
Not beaten down, in circumstances so contradictory
I long to praise Hus name and offer my thanks
A butterfly, not a caterpillar before the big change

”How much longer?” Is the cry of the fall
Is the answer yes, maybe, or not at all?
Having said it in rhyme, I’ve come to a conclusion
To keep my childish but happy illusions