Illusions (#poem)

My life back then seems so simple now
Living a normal every day life did allow
The luxury of my illusions
Problems, or were they blessings, add to my confusion

I had prayed for my desert release
To somehow live at the beach
Swimming ashore like a fish out of water
Running away like a desperate daughter

“Come follow me,” I heard Him say
So I drove and I drove, and headed for L.A.
And found myself alone in the desert
A hard landing, head down, face in the dirt

For forty days I fasted and I prayed
I suffered deeply at the delay
Holding onto the promise of the sunrise
It’s not His will is all I can surmise

I long to shout for joy and to claim the victory
Not beaten down, in circumstances so contradictory
I long to praise His name and offer my thanks
A butterfly, not a caterpillar before the big change

”How much longer?” Is the cry of the fall
Is the answer yes, maybe, or not at all?
Having said it in rhyme, I’ve come to a conclusion
To keep my childish but happy illusions