The Waiting Game (#poem)

I’ve been here too many times before
Yet this time you want even more
Midnight poems turn into prayers
The sweet turns salty in my tears
My shell hardens as I take aim
And play the Waiting Game

I read the line that all is for my good
I should be thankful, yes I should
They may be right but all I hear
Is hurt from a wounded parental fear
The kind you run from to emotionally survive
To keep alive the heart of an innocent child

My mouth is dry in the desert night
Counting the minutes til broad daylight
How many more til the Easter Sunrise?
Before fragile hope breaks and my Faith is just a lie
Anger abounds and I fight not to sin
To let it out when I strive to reel it in

Fighting myself and fighting God
Wrestling again when I remember the odds
Asking “how can I be here again?”
Remember what my surrender cost?
Remember how the loss turned into a win?
How can I doubt when the timing was perfection?

In the midst of the fire, in the midst of the pain
Have I said it all, can I reach it again?
When memories shatter and I’m blinded
by weakness and desire
Will I survive this time, an even higher climb?
And find the strength to play the Waiting Game?