When I was a kid I hated to ask for anything. I guess I didn’t want to hear the word, “no.” So often I just wouldn’t ask.

As a writer, you have to ask by submitting the manuscript, and then you wait for a yes or a no. After taking a writing break to pursue music, I was offered a publishing contract for one of my books. I’d briefly self-published an early, shorter version and then took it down. It deserved more.

I was done with the state of publishing – the market was glutted. I was pursuing my first love – music. But I kept thinking about writing – about that story. I rewrote it, added more scenes, made it longer, changed the ending and submitted it to a publisher. It was accepted. But during the disclosure process, I discovered I’d actually sold two copies during its brief life. I had to reveal this to the publisher. And now I wait to see if it is still yes or if it becomes a no.

In the same day I was thrilled to be back as a writer when offered a contract, and then I plummeted to disappointment when I realized the book might be disqualified, not automatically, though, because sometimes publishers will publish it anyway. I may have to rename it, but that is also disappointing because the name is so perfect for it.

I did a search and I found it on Google, I found it on Goodreads. When I contacted Goodreads and asked them to remove it because it no longer existed as is, their reply was that “like a library book, all books are kept in their database.”

I say that is out-dated. In this digital age with Indie authors, we often remove or edit or tweak a book in some way, sometimes with a different title and/or cover. What happened to controlling our own writing destiny when the big guys refuse to budge because content is their bread and butter? Now I remember why I left the writing game for the music game. I wanted a fresh start and the chance to create something new in a different way.

Alas, it won’t be the end of the world if the publisher gives me a no. Disappointing, yes. So then I can then do one of two things: (1) forget about writing and stick to music or (2) write another book.

In the meantime, I’m enjoying a quiet, cloudy day reading and resting. It’s an introvert’s perfect kind of day.

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