Father Ed and Iyanla both mentioned the importance of fathers to daughters. And when a daughter doesn’t have that father (her father – not any father) or a good relationship with her father, she looks for him in all the wrong men for the rest of her life. Unless she gets healing.
Women who are molested, abused, or did not know their father growing up are more likely to have abortions, be promiscuous, be a single mother, give their child up for adoption, or marry the wrong men. But finding the right man doesn’t mean you’re healed and can then move on to the next chapter of your life. You may be afraid to have children – you may not want to re-create the chaos of family life or know how to create a loving family. As Father Ed said, your maturity is interrupted by those damaging events of your past.
How do you become a mother when you’re still waiting to be somebody’s daughter?
So how do you become a mother when you’re still waiting to be somebody’s daughter? I didn’t want to be somebody’s mother. I didn’t want to recreate the volatile relationship I had with mine. I didn’t know my father – how could I have children when I didn’t know what kind of man he might be? I had things to do and my culture, religion, and upbringing reinforced all of that.
And then I was called to be Catholic. I met my father. My eyes were opened and I could see the beauty of motherhood. I could then embrace being a spiritual mother to others and the spiritual daughter of Jesus’ mother, the Theotokos.
Myths of the Fatherless tells the story of my search for my father, the impact of not knowing your biological father, and includes tips/resources on dealing with those issues.