Yesterday was such an emotional day. It all started when an adopted young woman who had met her natural mother this past year wished her mother a happy birthday saying it was the first time she’d ever been able to do so. The mother expressed her feelings about missing her all of those years and how she’d kept her close to her heart, even though she didn’t say much about it over the years.
So happy for both of them, I cried. And I applaud their honesty and willingness to be truthful publicly. This is not an easy subject for people to face within themselves, let alone with others. Too often I get push back when I bring up this subject. Too often people treat it as if it’s my problem and not anybody else’s. But this is exactly why I speak out in spite of the reactions I sometimes get. It’s not easy to share my story publicly. But I’m not here to share my story to whine or be negative or for me at all. I do it to show people the reward is sometimes worth the risk. I do this for you.
It’s not easy to be so open and honest publicly, but:
- It’s easy to accept society’s myths, society’s conveniences, society’s pull to conform.
- It’s easy to ignore a birth mother’s feelings when it comes to adoption.
- It’s easy to ignore the child’s needs when mothers and fathers don’t stay together.
- It’s easy to tell yourself it’s easier and best if you keep you keep quiet.
- It’s easy to say “dad” and “mom” and “parents” to present a more perfect picture to the world.
I speak out in spite of all of these things. Because “easy” should be replaced with “convenient.” Go back and read those bullets and substitute convenient for easy.
Our world wants you to conform. The past wants to grab you and pull you back and do what it wants you to do – to do what you once did. This past week I had to deal with the DMV for my California driver’s license and I had to fill out all kinds of paperwork to start a new contract – the forms, procedures, background checks, etc, can be daunting. Lists of where you’ve lived over the years and what names you’ve used – especially if you’re a woman and have used other men’s names – ex-husbands and step dads.
Staring at those names (and places) you’d rather forget, it’s not easy to stand up and claim your truth. You understand it but others don’t. People want to force you into their mold – their understanding. The world wants to judge you as less than. Someone once wrote, “People want to put me in a box in order to dismiss me.”
But help is here. It’s called courage and truth. And along the journey, I’ve received many spiritual truths that I call on today. These give me courage.
For example, look in the mirror in the morning and say:
- I am the Lord’s Beloved
- Jesus, I trust in you
- One step at a time
It’s not easy stepping out in truth and taking a risk – it doesn’t always turn out the way you hope. But it can’t turn out your way at all if you don’t at least take the risk. And for many, the reward far outweighs the risk.
The risk I took and how it turned out is written in Myths of the Fatherless. Then the book moves on to debunk Society’s myths with tips on how you can do the same. This book was the hardest book I’ve ever written – there was an emotional toll to share it with my father, to make it public in the first place and to continue to keep it public – but it’s all worth it for each life it touches. And it makes me happy.
One priest asked, “How do you know what you’re called to do? It makes you happy and that’s God leading you to do what he created you to do.”
I wish you all a happy ending and for each one, I will cry tears of joy! Because happy endings make me cry.
PS – Since I wrote this, I think this happy ending may have had a hiccup. This is common and I hope and pray that things will smooth out.